PRINTING HISTORY
 
There is none…so, don’t worry about it.
 
Copyright © 2013-2015 by Frank McDaniel, Jr. (Zippy Loqaktlptl) and Rob Corin (Yabba Zequatzenqatl)
 
No part of this book, and/or series (including this page), may be reproduced or transmitted in any way, or form, or by any means: electronic, mechanical, telepathically, or whatever means possible, including (but, not limited to) photocopying, recording, yodeling, eye-blinking, sign language, pig-latin, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from our mothers…I mean, the publishers and/or authors. All rights reserved (or else, Sister Bea Tonkonchiss will rectify you with her wooden ruler). How d’ya like them apples?
 
Baked. Errr, excuse me…
 
What?
 
Why do they call it ‘copyrights’? Why not ‘copylefts’? I mean, a large chunk of the population is considered ‘Southpaws’, you know!
 
Are you serious? Okay…maybe, because there are no right-brained lawyers! I don’t know!!!
 
I just don’t understand why you can’t copy left. Aren’t Yiddish books written backwards?
 
Not to Yiddish readers or dyslexics, for that matter! Anyway, I think it means that the publisher or author left you the right to copy it.
 
I see…like reading comics in a dust storm.
 
Right!...BELCH…(hic)…man, that kale-mustard cream soup sure got its’ revenge!
 
You know, I sure hope that when people are finished reading this stuff, or studying it for a semester exam, they’ll put it in a place of honor next to the great written works of Shakespeare, Poe, Hemingway…
 
…’Splurtz’ litter box…
 
Michener, King…ahhh…not unless ‘Splurtz’ can read while taking one of his watery wiggles! At the very least, we should make sure that people will dispose of it properly, like in a recycling container.
 
Yeah, it makes you wonder if someday it will be recycled into toilet paper text, doesn’t it?
 
No shit! You’ll just have to perfect the drying technique. A thousand and one uses! Let’s work on it! Hey?!? I didn’t just catch you using the index for a nose tissue, did I?
 
(Sniff) Nah…I used yesterday’s underwear!
 
Oh. Okay…no problem, then. Now, where were we?
I wonder if anybody working for the Screen Guild has the nerve enough to negotiate a contract for the rights to this material and turn it into a blockbuster movie, television series or maybe even a prime time cartoon adventure. It’s so antignominically fantastic!
 
Not after those kind of self-demiurgic words! Remember when we were going to adapt it into a Broadway play?
 
Well, fry me up some dead guppies! I guess everybody thought that it was too damn serious.
 
Maybe they should learn to eat a little onion, instead of sugar, with their lemons.
 
Whatever…enough bantering…let’s continue with the task at hand. We don’t want to keep them waiting.
 
Which hand? The one that copies ‘right’ or ‘left’?
 
*WARNING: If you think this material is getting too silly, then just put it back down and leave. It’s that simple. Honestly, our feelings won’t get hurt. But, to all the underprivileged recyclers and curb-sitting dawdlers out in your world…you’ve committed a horrible disservice. After you follow this action, go stand in front of a cracked mirror and take a look at the reflection. Who’s the one to blame now? It’s your conscience.
 
OURP! (The authors acronym used in text – O.U.R.P.: Our Useless Recycled Propaganda)
 
ADDENDUM:
 
     ### NOTICE ###
   To: Copy Editors and Proofreaders
 
     This written work was created with an inclusion of phonetically sounding words, comments not    associated with any known language and some descriptive phrasing that aren’t grammatically correct and coherent. In other words; if there is some sort of problem with every ‘i’ not being dotted or every ‘t’ not being crossed (ad nauseum), then don’t act like one of Santa’s pygmies with a coconut stuck up his butt.
 
Yours truly,
Wm. ‘Comma’ Faulkner
 
 
P.S. (Post Scheisse): Don’t forget to flush the toilet after you’re finished reading…
 
I hate to waste any more time on this nonsense. Just TURN LEFT RIGHT HERE-------------------à #